The life of a Proxy man

Yaar agar college life ka maza lena hai toh kabhi Proxy maar ke dekho!!!

Who says cigarettes or liquor is addictive???

There are fewer things in life which are more addictive than the above mentioned two and one of those is Proxy. Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of a person who has given proxy or about to give proxy? Here is a small insight into a day of a proxy man (well sounds like superman and spider man). The job is as risky as theirs J

As I tried hard to wake myself up from a deep slumber for the class, the first words I heard in the morning were from my roommates: “Hey!!! Could you put proxy for me in today’s class as I have some urgent work to be finished and would not be able to make to the class”. Well now you will know this is the advantage of having a roomie who is good in giving proxies L I pushed myself from the bed as I now had this extra responsibility of putting attendance for my roommate (Well as they say: “A roommate in need is roommate in indeed”). I took out my brush and glanced at the newspaper while going out of the room. I did not even cross the threshold of my room, and then my neighbour called me asking me to put proxy for him as well. And by the time I crossed hostel the number of proxies to be put had swelled to three. Phew!!! Ain’t that sufficient for the day?

I still remember it had been few months since I had put my first proxy. That time it was an adventure and I had just started to have fun after 3 years of wilderness trying to find my identity. But as they say, giving proxy is as much, if not more than, addictive as liquor or cigarettes. And thus which started as fun turned out into an addiction. Now as my classmates say that I have become an expert in the field, so has the demand for me.

The first classes during winters are really difficult for lazy bums to get up and come to the class so the attendance is normally less. The first two classes were cakewalk in terms of putting proxies. (Refer to the rules and Dos and Don’ts of Proxy at the end). Putting three proxies in a class isn’t difficult if you know the dos and don’ts of proxy. During the third class of the day normally you would get maximum attendance as most of the students get up and come to the class at that time. But the post lunch sessions are the most difficult to handle. As normally one or two classes take place at max which results in most of the students rushing back to the hostels. But if you are sincere student (then this can be curse for you). I still don’t understand the logic of trying to achieve 100% attendance (Come on!!! you don’t get extra marks for having for attaining centum but then as they say it comes in nature. So I have this knack of trying to achieve 100% attendance. It could be termed as another addiction). Coming back to the post lunch session, two of my close friends asked me if I can put proxy for them. In friendship one can’t say no but then the bait is that in near future I would get the benefit. I just counted I had to give 5 proxies along with my attendance that makes a total of 6. It can be also termed as suicidal but then as they say it is addictive too.

There are 3-4 consummate proxy kings (which means supply is very less so is the demand for them is very high) in the class. At least we could put your Economics knowledge to something practical in life. As the session started it was getting tougher and tougher to keep your eyes open in the class. I could never understand the logic of putting all the theoretical boring subjects post lunch when your sleep is inversely proportional to the amount of interest you have for the subject. Keeping eyes wide open we tried hard to concentrate in the class but it was turning out to be really boring. But then the more boring the class is then the more determined you become to help others to make them stay away from this misery. As the attendance started, it all boiled down to the choice of the teacher, we bathed in deep anxiety to know if he was taking attendance himself or giving it to one of the students. Luckily he chose one of the students to take attendance and this was something we were waiting for. Before the start of the attendance we counted that there were 60 odd people and total number of proxies to be given were around 18 but it was scattered among 7-8 students. The roll call started, my first number was within top 10 (Rule 4). It was easy to give as just after the class gets over there is tendency for some of the students to ask doubts to teachers. This helps to divert the mind of teachers and helps lucky souls like us to do our job. The next two proxies were also an easy meat for me. 3 out of 3 (100% strike till now). But troubled started soon after, while giving my fourth proxy there was another student who shouted YES along-with me. (Gosh I hate this!!! Why do people tell more than one person for proxy? Don’t they trust in the ability? Well we have sometimes thought of banning these kinds of people). That got teacher into alert mood and asked who said yes but nobody spoke (Rule 2). And thus teacher asked that particular number to meet next day. So, one proxy got pasted (3 out of 4. Not bad but if you are used to 100% strike rate this is an under achievement). Now teacher decided to be very alert for the rest of the roll numbers. The counting proceeded again, this time teacher was fully alert so we couldn’t give. Suddenly one of the students made mistake and gave proxy for one of the Surds in the class. Well this I would call a big mistake (you can refer to Dos and Don’ts No 5) as Surds are very distinctive looking and can be easily traced. So teacher asked again who gave proxy for him and as usual nobody spoke. This was turning out to be very bad day in terms of proxy. I tried but could not give my fifth proxy as it was very risky and the roll call ended so was the chance of giving more proxies. But it was not to be, Plan B^b took place. I approached teacher and told that I missed my roll call so if he can mark me present. Unsuspecting teacher thus gave me (I mean my fellow student) attendance. This is the advantage of keeping a low profile in the class. And thus I was able to give 4 out of 5 proxies (80% not bad!!!). At the end of the day, our job is to inform all the concerned with the good news and the bad news. With this the day ends for a typical proxy guy. Well nobody is concerned what happens to you post college hours. But then, whatever you say, it is very interesting and challenging too and in the boring life of a college student this acts as refreshment.

Dos & Don’ts

1. There are some classes, where it is very easy to put proxy. These are the classes normally where teachers ask students to take attendance.

2. Identify those subjects in which proxy is strict NO-NO and never ever try proxy in these subjects.

3. There needs to be proper coordination between the people giving proxies so as to two different people don’t give proxy at the same instant.

4. Always select those numbers for giving proxy which are not near to each other. As it gives chance to regroup and try for alternate strategies.

5. Never give proxy for person who is popular in the eye of teacher, especially those distinctive looking in the class. 

 

Rules

1. You need to be very confident while giving proxy. As one of my teacher told us, in light hearted fashion, if you people are giving proxy then be loud so that teacher doesn’t get suspect.

2. If a teacher catches any number in which proxy is given, then the name of the person giving proxy is never divulged.

3. Don’t try this if you are an amateur.  

 

^b Plan B comes into play when all the role calls have ended and you are one of the unknown faces in the class. So one has to just go forward and tell the teacher that one has missed one’s roll call. So the unsuspecting teacher would mark you present. But extra care needs to be taken while taking this step.